ahhhhhhhhh:P

I have just fired off my last necessary email, and am now officially on vacation (well, two of the emails screwed up, and need to be followed up on, but really, not my fault).

Now . . . what do I do with the time?

scattered

I'm trying to write a coherent story. Reading over it, I can understand why I drive friends and family nuts when I try to tell them anything . . . I can't get past the rambling sidetracked anecdotes to actually get anywhere. 'Though I hate when she says this, I find myself saying, too, "nosiren, get to the point!"

But now I have another problem: do I have a point???

assorted thoughts

*I like my new roommate. She's not actually my roommate yet, but will be in October. She seems nice and easygoing and social yet not a pushover. I feel good about this.

*My current roommate 'asked' me to remove my suitcases from the hallway where they've been sitting for the past month. Understandable. She asked me on the premise that she was going to be having people in this weekend. These people never materialized. The reason the suitcases have been in the hallway for 4 weeks is because I finally got tired of having to spend 15 minutes wading through all of her stuff which gets flung all over our storage locker, no matter how many times I organize my side to leave a nice free aisle. I had not said this to her, yet, however, as I intended to clean it up one more time and then request that it be maintained that way (as opposed to demanding that she clean her stuff up). Without me mentioning it, though, she mentioned it, on her own, telling to 'just move stuff' if that's what the problem is. I'm a little pissed off, but not entirely sure how justified I am in this. My suitcases have been in the middle of my room all weekend. I'm about to go reorganise storage, and then I think I will request that at least my half remain that way.

*I'm tired and possibly mildly depressed. Everyone tells me that with this degree, I'm finally moving forward in my life, 'getting it together,' but I feel like my work this fall is going to be more purposeless than anything I've done since I was the hostess at Smitty's. Because really, is a substitute teacher all that much more than a glorified babysitter? And most of my tutoring consists of watching kids struggle through random, semi-useful grammar exercises. In today's classroom, being able to differentiate gerunds from participles is hardly the key to passing English 12. On the up-side, by teaching that stuff, I'm getting some pretty thorough grammar training beyond what ever really sank in during my 3rd year linguistics class (for example I can now explain the difference between 'it sank' and 'it has sunk.')

*I need a new car. I cannot afford a new car. If I didn't visit my boyfriend and his family this Christmas, I could possibly start making payments on a car. But then I would be even lonelier, tireder, and more antsy, albeit with a better vehicle.

*My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My tooth hurts. I believe these things to be physical manifestations of my mood, but at this point I'm having a tough time intercepting the cause and effect cycle.

*Perhaps it's time for Texas, after all.

eenie, meenie, mieney, moe . . .

i'm looking for a roommate. 4 perfectly lovely girls have stopped by to look at the place. what is 'good roommate' criteria, based on a 5-minute meeting???

hey, and all you artsy folk. . . i know you all make a fabulous first impression-- do you make good roomies, too?

rolling along

after a month and a half of anxiety, my life suddenly seems to be rolling along. nothing major has changed-- not on the outside, anyway-- but i am feeling okay with where i'm at. i am in debt, but i am beginning to accept that there are many people in more debt than me, and i am approaching my finances in the way that i am approaching my diet (diet as in general eating habits, not as in random starvation, just to clarify). as i grow up, i continue to learn what works and what doesn't, and, believe it or not, i think have been moving in a generally upward and healthy direction, although there are certainly setbacks. when i buy into the panic quick-fix trap, it all goes down the toilet (not literally, don't worry) . . . or, for whatever bizarre reason, i head in the complete opposite of my intended direction. so, with job, life, health, and money, i'm trying to 'let it be,' as paul says, while at the same time being mindful of the direction i wish to be going.

and artsmonkey, you were right: exercise is a wonderful antidote to moodiness-- thank-you for the important reminder.

you know what else is wonderful? a single red rose in a blue vase, on a clean desk, in a cozy room. i may just have to replace this one myself, when it finally gives in to droop.

maybe it's feng shui, maybe it's just clearing out the air. i have followed skinny-rabbit's lead, and rearranged my furniture. my roommate's been out of town this weekend, so i actually had the luxury of removing everything from my room other than the furniture (where did it all come from?? how on earth to i get it back in??!?) and spending two evenings in a fresh clean empty space with just my bed, my music, empty shelves, and me. beautiful.

you also know that spring cleaning is far overdue when you uncover things you've been looking for since moving in.

i am a jerk

just come home from work, and my visiting mexican is nowhere to be found. i don't blame him for being gone. i might be in line for the next plane to home. a friend tells me i'm thinking too far ahead and trying subconciously to sabotage this thing, kind of like a car maker who repeatedly rams the newest vehicle model into walls and tries to brake on ice while being pelted with fake sleet and hail to test the limits of its quality and longevity. Of course, once its worth is fully established, that particular car is totalled. i suppose the best way to keep any good thing going is to drive it with care in the first place, no?